How to patch your wound understanding the ‘Butterfly Effect’
I’m sure it’s not the first time you must have come across the term ‘Butterfly Effect’. If you haven’t, watch this amazing video that explains the concept. I came across it myself not too long ago, a couple of years back, maybe. And ever since, I have been pondering over the theory and its stupendous implications. It is so hard to comprehend that a single tiny action, such as you reading this article, may change the outcome of your life — or those you speak to. It’s scary. It’s ludicrous!
But what matters, and the reason I decided to pen this down, is that I heard the term recently while watching the smash hit, ’13 Reasons Why’ on Netflix. (Guilty!) And that moment provoked me to think about the Butterfly effect in a way I hadn’t before. Understanding the buttery effect has the potential to help you stop worrying about your rejections and failures. I applied it to stories in my life and hopefully, their narratives below will help you realize how to use the concept to transform your hard times and resolve the pain. However, you’ve got to be patient as I explain.
The break-up
A couple of years back, I met this girl named Maria. We started going out almost from day one. Like most relationships, it had a beautiful beginning, the laughter at lunch, the walks, the long midnight talks, the ‘who asked who out’ debates, the sleepovers, in all, the precise experiences that wind you up in the relationship and make you forget about the rest of the world. After a beautiful year, however, we split. It left me devastated. I didn’t see it coming and I wasn’t willing to accept it. I started slacking at work. I stopped going out and exploring things. I would simply sit home, sulk and hope for Maria to come back. I didn’t think I would be able to get over her at all. I was miserable.
As it turns out, my four months of break-up misery was due to one decision I had made in the past. The decision to go to the office on a weekend. That was the day I met Maria. I was in the office because my team had a deadline to meet and being a good manager, I wanted to help them get through it fast. Maria, an industry expert from another team, was helping my troops out. We got talking about work and the company while checking each other out in secret. When my team and I were about to leave, one of my members asked her to join us for dinner. Next thing you know, we were meeting at work every day, going out on dates and spending almost every night with each other.
Had I not turned up to work over that weekend and helped the team remotely, the next one year of my life would have been very different. It was a small decision, yet there I was spending my time thinking I could never live without her. How ridiculous right? When I lay the situation out like this, I feel stupid. I realize that I spent the first 26 years of my life without her and could have gone next 26 without even knowing her. Yet, there I was wasting those glorious evenings brooding over how I couldn’t be happy without her.
The Yummy Cookie
By cookie I mean literally any good looking dessert that you cannot eat because your scales at home are watching you. A year back, I bought this box of chocolate cookies. I ate one… yum… and another. And another, and then the box was empty. I got another one. And before I realized it, I had started ending every meal by eating the very same chocolate chip cookie. I went more than 10 straight months eating those cookies. And as we all know the eventual consequence of such a habit, I put on weight. A lot of weight. It was difficult for me to give up the habit, and even harder to recognize I needed to. I tried substituting the cookie with healthier things, but it didn’t work. I was frustrated and annoyed with myself. I hated the habit. I thought I couldn’t give it up because of some deep desire within.
Do you know why I bought the very first cookie box? Because of a little sign that said “$5 MINIMUM FOR DEBIT AND CREDIT CARDS”. My basket had items worth $4 and the cashier asked me to pick something up from the adjacent aisle to make it $5 so I could use my card. Without thinking, I tossed in a $1 box of chocolate cookies and swipe, payment accepted.
This box of cookies sparked a year-long addiction eventually leading to frustration. And as in the previous example, I realized that I lived the first 25 years of my life without knowing the cookie brand and I could have easily gone another 25 years being unaware of it. But instead, there I was thinking I needed the cookie after every meal to satisfy some deep desire within.
Summary
Both of these situations go to show that while we live in a multi-dimensional world, emotionally we live in a flat-land, where we look at life in a straight line, oblivious to the other dimensions around us. But it is key to time and again pull yourself up and take a 50,000 foot perspective of your life and observe how you are bigger than what you believe in. How your addictions and emotions are sometimes a result of tiny things or random decisions, which eventually go on to control your life and make you miserable.
It is essential to remember that you were happy before, you were fit before, you were doing well before. You weren’t dependant on anything or anyone in your natural state. Your addictions and frustrations are the results of a chance incident that led to the Butterfly Effect.
So next time you feel you can’t do without something that makes your life seem empty and bland, remind yourself of when you first came across that person, place, thing or experience. And ask yourself this, “I lived without it before, why can’t I now?”
